Insight Online News / By Rhia Nichols
Sex may be the binding agent that holds you and your lover together.
And when that specific type of connection wanes, it may make you doubt everything. You’re not sure whether you’re gorgeous, sexy, or in love anymore. None of these are likely to be correct.
What exactly do sexless partnerships imply?
Here are seven common misconceptions about why couples quit having sex.
Myth #1: You’ve lost your love.
We often feel that the proper relationship entails a lot of desire and sex, regardless of how long we’ve been together. What if your desire drops and you seldom want to have sex, you’ve fallen out of love.
However, this is a myth, not a truth.
Sex drive is an emotion that is influenced by a variety of factors, unlike hunger or thirst.
This implies that before you leap to conclusions if you’re feeling low or have no sex drive, you should consider a variety of variables that might be producing disinterest in sex for you or your spouse.
Are there biological and medicinal changes, such as a new hormonal contraceptive or persistent pain, for example? Psychological changes such as anxiety, despair, or sexual insecurity? Or changes in a relationship, such as regular bickering or feeling emotionally distant
You’ll be able to let go of the idea that low desire = love lost once you comprehend how complicated desire is.
It’s much more probable that a variety of factors are at work, some of which may have nothing to do with sex at all.
Myth #2: Your relationship or marriage will fail.
Some sexless couples claim it’s because their romance is finished. While it is true that a sexless relationship may be fatal, it is also a bit of a myth.
Low sex drive isn’t a warning that most people should quit up — it’s a sign of a truly strong relationship, one worth battling for.
We frequently desire a lot of sex all the time in the early stages of a relationship. This all comes down to that weird obsession we have.
However, most people notice a drop in butterflies and sex desire approximately six months to two or five years into a relationship. We lose our excitement and enter a new phase, the attachment phase.
So, if your sex desire has dropped after a couple of years, consider it a cause for joy rather than a cause for concern.
It just indicates you’ve achieved the firm bond that so many want. The sort seen in rom-coms and on Netflix (albeit maybe not as romantic as the tales would have us think!).
Is this to say you’ll never desire sex again? No, there’s much you can do to rekindle your desire.
Myth #3: No one has sex while parenting.
Nothing beats a baby puking all over you to ruin a romantic evening. Children, on the other hand, do not have to spell the end of sex as we know it.
Children, like the attachment period, experience variations in desire and priorities. Many couples, however, continue to have sex or make a deliberate choice to rekindle their love relationship.
The first stage is to determine if sex is now essential to you. Because, although sex might be quite significant, it does not have to be for you.
Sometimes you just don’t want to have sex.
The key here is to base your choice on your and your partner’s particular tastes, rather than a misconception that no one has an active sex life throughout the child-rearing years. Because it is just not the case.
Myth #4: Because women do not love sex.
I could definitely retire if I had a cent for every time someone told me that women don’t care about sex.
The notion that women in committed relationships just lose their libido may seem to be the ideal response to the question: why do couples stop having sex — but it is not. It’s a myth fueled in part by a historical change.
Prior to the 1700s, we saw both sexes as equally sexual, vulgar, and immoral. Women’s desires began to be considered indecent and unhealthy in the 1800s. Women were ethically better in every manner, which meant they couldn’t want or want sex.
The notion that women do not enjoy or value sex is also founded on a certain conception of sex: vaginal penetration.
Women in heterosexual relationships or marriages are often expected to orgasm only via vaginal penetration. In reality, though, this is quite rare. Women and adults with vulvas often need external clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm and really enjoy sex.
So, although it may seem that women are uninterested in sex on the surface, you must question yourself if they are really uninterested in sex or in vaginal penetrative sex. And may prevailing views about female sexuality shame women for their urges, leading them to lose interest? On both points, the answer is very likely yes.
Myth #5: Aging means a loss of desire.
The aging process may have a negative impact on many aspects of our health, including our sexual health.
Menopause-related changes in desire and greater erectile instability are just a few of the challenges we may confront. Age, on the other hand, does not diminish sexual desire or arousal. However, believing this myth could.
I have read many books about sex and relationships, and one thing I’ve learned is that sex is still crucial no matter your age.
Thinking it’s not merely because you’ve reached a specific age in the books is an ageist idea that helps no one. One that makes you feel like you should give up when you most definitely should not. Great sex is accessible to everyone, regardless of age.
Myth #6: Men are physiologically wired to want sex with new partners exclusively.
Our sexual hunger requires novelty. Having the same types of sex in the same manner for decades may significantly reduce desire. In some respects, it is the ideal response to the question, “Why do couples stop having sex?”
However, a new partner is not necessary for males or people with penises to continue seeking sex.
In fact, the novelty of a new sex partner may be more crucial for women’s desires than it is for men’s. According to Daniel Bergner’s seminal book “What Do Women Want?” women demand greater sexual novelty than men.
Aside from the scientific facts, this is something I’ve seen in my life. Men who lack desire do not seem to be bored with their relationships in the same way that my female clients do.
So, what does this indicate for the long-term heterosexual relationship? If you don’t want it to, it won’t do much. Desire may be rekindled. This is the one thing you must know about keeping your relationship alive if you’re in it for the long haul. Without this conviction, you risk ending a perfectly fine relationship.
Myth #7: After decades together, it’s hard to make your sex life fresh.
This last myth may seem to be true, particularly if this has been your experience to date.
But, just as laughter in long-term relationships does not fade, so does sex, at least not if you consistently work to light the flame.
We often feel that sex needs to happen out of nowhere and that the same-sex motions should thrill us equally throughout our lives.
But the issue is, that our sexuality is always evolving.
This implies that we may like one kind of sex for years before it becomes less appealing. When this occurs, all we have to do is get intrigued about what we could enjoy today.
Understanding how your and your partner’s wants will change might help keep things interesting by arousing curiosity.
Myths are dangerous.
Sex may be so straightforward at the start of our relationship, but it can quickly become more difficult as we mature as a couple.
If you’re wondering why couples quit having sex, you should take a step back and analyze all of the sex myths you’ve been fed. Because your ideas are more likely than not to inflict more damage to your sex life than the duration of your relationship, your sex, your age, or your stage of life.