Wanting to know how serious he is about you is undoubtedly the most often requested topic in any advice column. Although it should be as simple as asking your partner about the state of your relationship, that is not always the case.
What he says and does may point to very different ends for the two of you, and although I don’t encourage second-guessing every move he makes, it’s crucial to have your eyes open.
Here are some key warning indicators that a guy is lying about his affections for you:
- He never invites you to meet his buddies.
Come on, people. Isn’t this He’s Not That Into You 101? He may make all the justifications he wants about them being a bunch of individuals he doesn’t want to mix you with because of how unique you are, but if you’ve never met a single one of his pals, you’re at best not a priority to him. You’re a side girl at best.
- He often changes his mind about plans.
He either wants to see you or does not want to see you. It’s one thing to be busy at work or dealing with a family situation, but if he’s been making arrangements only to break them on a regular basis, there’s something going on that you shouldn’t wait for.
- He refuses to discuss his background.
Listen, I, like everyone else, have parts of my history that I’d rather not revisit, and I don’t blame anybody for altering their tale. However, if you’ve been seeing this person for a long and have no idea where he’s spent the previous decade, there’s something wrong.
And, although it’s understandable that he’s coming off an age he’s not proud of and is terrified of rejection (haven’t we all? ), your relationship can’t be that mean to him if he’s unable to share even a snippet of his past with you.
- He is overly protective of his belongings.
I was dropping off this guy I’d been seeing for about a week at his apartment and hinting that I’d like to engage in some active snuggling at the end of one of the best 12-hour dates I’d ever had when he started making excuses about how gross his apartment was and how embarrassed he’d be if I saw it.
We’d previously had a substantial makeout session in his dirty vehicle a few nights before, so this seemed like an odd explanation… until I saw him out with a lovely female he clumsily introduced as his live-in girlfriend at a neighborhood pub a couple of weeks later. Lesson learned.
I’m not suggesting you should have unrestricted access to all of his belongings, but if he appears vehement about keeping you out of his personal space or weirdly protective of his phone, you should be cautious.
- He refuses to answer your queries.
It’s bad enough when politicians do it, but it’s utterly intolerable when significant others do it. Worse than gaslighting your inquiries with excuses like I don’t know what you’re talking about or You’re making a big deal out of nothing, responding to a pointed question with long-winded answers that deviate from the point, shift blame, or never actually answer the question is another red flag from the Lying A-hole Starter Pack.
These evasive strategies may include both crazily over-detailed responses and ambiguous answers that can be difficult to comprehend; the trick is to seek answers to questions that actually, you know, answer your damn questions.
- His stories are inconsistent
We are all guilty of making mistakes with our information from time to time. If, on the other hand, you’ve noticed that he frequently has to explain why he omitted, changed, or “forgot” important details about his whereabouts or life in general, he’s either developing early-onset Alzheimer’s and needs to be screened, or he’s got a whole other life going on that he doesn’t want you to be a part of for some reason.